Facing Off With Fear

Creative Commons © 2007 Jason Wilson

Creative Commons © 2007 Jason Wilson

Want to know a secret? I am dipping my toes into a venture that has been on my radar for quite some time. Something that I have that about attempting before but never really took the plunge.

And I am terrified.

Motherf*cking quaking in my boots.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I am doing something that I have never done before, and I am terrified of f*cking up on a monumental level, of having the pants (and shirt and jacket and boots) sued off of me because I was unaware of a particular law, because I didn’t do my due diligence and just plunged in.

(Even though I’m not the kind of person who doesn’t do their due diligence, the fear is still gnawing away at me.)

All I want to do is create. I want to write and edit, teach and learn, blog and create create create. I don’t want these endeavours to end with me losing our children’s college funds before we even have them (the children and the funds).

Can you tell that I’m having a bit of a meltdown? A bit of a pre-plunge freak out where my brain is coming up with every possible worst case scenario?

I feel sick to my stomach with fear. I have that helium ballon feeling right behind my sternum.

I want to stop.

I want to say, “No, never mind, I don’t want to do this after all.” BUT I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. 

Not this time.

I am done with letting fear run my life. I am done with hiding behind it so I never have to take a risk, or fail. I am done with only half living.

I can do this. 

I am going to invest in the resources available to me, hit up the library, do my own search into the things that I need to know for this project. I am going to make this a reality, and a little bit of vomit-inducing terror is not going to stop me.

It’s going to drive me.

I am going to prove to myself how capable I am. I can do this.

Let’s go.

PS. Look out in the new year for an announcement of what said terror-inducing project is. Can’t wait to share. :) 

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Jessica can most often be found with her nose in a book, or writing her newest short story/screenplay/novel, but she also has a passion for travel, child-care & development, psychology, feminism (and other forms of equality), and making the world a better place in general. Email Me