This is How I Know

ALERT: Things are about to get super mushy up in here.

photo Bryan,

People ask all the time, “But how do I know if he/she is the one?” Like there is some time-tested formula for exactly how you know that is the same for everyone. There isn’t (but you knew that, right?).

But I have found “the one,” or whatever you want to call it. The person that I want to build a life with. And this is how I know it’s you.

1. You always take care of me and put me first. You make sure that I have a blanket for my cold feet or Advil for my headache or a hug and a kiss for my bad mood before you do anything for yourself. You give me the last piece of pie or let me have the last perogy because they’re my favorite, even if I’ve already had more than you.

2. When I fly into the house in a panic at 8:42 in the morning, yelling that I need you to drive me to work because the stupid bus didn’t come (again), you don’t complain (much), you just get up, put on shoes (and pants), and drive me to work. And then when I text you to thank you for the fifth time, you tell me that you don’t mind because you got to spend a bit more time with me.

3. When I get home from work, you act like me walking through that door was the best thing that happened to you all day. You always greet me with a big hug, and a smile, and a “How was your day?” even when I’m so cranky the grouch waves probably reached you from the elevator.

4. I miss you when we are apart, even after four and a half years. There is still a bittersweet ache when I have to leave you each day, or when you’re too busy with your business to answer my one hundred daily emails. I look forward every day to coming home to you (see #3).

5. We dream together. You have never shied away from the idea of our future together. You have always embraced it with infectious enthusiasm. Like when I say, “Hey, what do you think of the name _______ for a boy?” you never freak out, even though I am definitely not pregnant and we are definitely not in a place where we need to be picking out baby names. You say, “Hmm. I like that.” Or “Not my favorite, makes me think of _____.”

6. You make me dinner every single night, and it’s always delicious, and you never even get mad that I am too lazy to wash the dishes. You say every night that you are going to get up and make eggs for me in the morning, and even though 75% of the time it doesn’t happen, I appreciate the offer nonetheless. And 25% of the time, I get eggs out of the deal too!

7. You believe in me. All the time. In everything I do. And you make me believe in myself. You make me believe in my own right to happiness. We boost each other up, make each other stronger. We are more than the sum of our parts. We are awesome on our own, and even better together.

8. Still, we fight. Often, actually. About big things, and small stupid things that don’t actually matter but seem like the most important thing in the world at the time. And we aren’t the best at it. I get defensive, and so do you, and even when I can hear the words I don’t want to say coming out of my mouth, I can never seem to stop them. But we air our grievances and we express our hurt feelings, and we do our best to listen to each other and get better and fight better. We always try.

We always try. Ultimately, that is why I believe we will go the distance. Because we aren’t willing to sit back and say, “Well. I guess that’s that then.” We aren’t willing to throw in the towel. We fight each other, yes, but we also fight for each other, every single day.

And that is how I know.

Love, Jessica

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Jessica can most often be found with her nose in a book, or writing her newest short story/screenplay/novel, but she also has a passion for travel, child-care & development, psychology, feminism (and other forms of equality), and making the world a better place in general. Email Me