The Jellybeans You Have Left
Hello, lovely readers. It has been awhile.
In my last post, I said that I was going to take a break from blogging until I remembered why I had started doing it in the first place (hint: it wasn’t for the pageviews). A few weeks went by, and I realized that I really miss blogging. And then I watched this video (warning: it made me ugly cry):
and I realized that I was not spending my time where I needed to. I am committing here and now to living my life like I can see those jellybeans disappearing. to doing things that I love and find worthwhile: finding a job that I care about, writing more, reading more, spending more time with Bryan and my friends and family, trying new things, traveling, doing yoga. Every day, I am going to try to ask myself, “Is this the best use of my jellybean?”
- writing – working on my novel, working on my TV show, writing poetry, writing blog posts, writing letters
- reading – I already read a lot but I want to read more and many more different kinds of books
- laughing – I take myself and life way too seriously. I want to laugh more, instead of holding onto negative emotions.
- yoga – I am currently doing a 30 day challenge and I hope to continue doing yoga every day after that. It helps me feel calm, centered, and joyful.
- helping people – I will find a job that I believe in and makes a difference. I will volunteer more.
- traveling – Road trips throughout the province, maybe a few throughout the country, saving for a major trip every year, always making travel a priority.
- time with friends and family – I am an introvert and often find myself making excuses not to go to things even though I want to. Case in point, a good friend invited me to the Mumford & Sons concert a few months ago and though I was looking forward to it for weeks, when the night finally came, I had to talk myself into going. Of course, I’m insanely glad I did, because I got to witness this (yup, cried then too) and spend time with a great lady. I have a deathly fear of making phone calls, even to my closest friends. I am going to work on this. I am going to make plans, make phone calls, and I am going to stick to them.
- time with Bryan – we already spend a lot of time together but I want to work on making it more quality time.
- anger – I can be a really angry person sometimes. I can hold onto that anger for a long time – there are things from seven years ago that I am still trying to let go of. I want to work on admitting when I am wrong, and freeing myself from the tyranny of this corrosive emotion.
- fighting over silly things – Fighting is unavoidable and even necessary. But I want to fight over things that matter. I don’t want to waste precious time fighting over stupid things, like who is right and who is wrong.
- mindless TV – There are a lot of great shows that we watch and a lot of great shows that we want to watch. I don’t want to give up Gilmore Girls, Friday Night Lights, the Whedonverse, Mad Men, etc. But I want to watch things because I am deeply invested in them and enjoying them and learning something for my own writing, not to mindlessly waste time.
- fear – I have been dealing with a lot more intense anxiety in the last few months than I ever have in my life, and I am tired of living in anxious fear. I want to work on letting go of the constant worry of things that will go wrong, horrible ways that I could die, etc, and just live.
- excuses – I always have excuses for not doing the things that I want to do. Instead of excuses, I want to see them as obstacles to be overcome, exciting challenges.
- playing the victim – This is my life. It is what I make it. I choose to make it great.
What about you guys? How do you want to spend the jellybeans that you have left?
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