Pressing play

My life doesn’t seem like reality. It feels like a fake, an imitation. I keep looking around, asking, “Is this it? When does the real thing start?”

But this is it. This is my great big, one and only life. I don’t get another shot.

And I’m wasting it.

Sitting around, wishing things were different, sulking, brooding. Thinking of all the things I could be doing, but never actually doing them.

I am the only person who can hit the play button. It’s controlled by a machine that requires a retinal scan, a finger print, and voice recognition. No one else is getting past there. It’s really up to me (or maybe my clone).

I’m afraid. I’m afraid of running out of money, of something bad happening, of being depressed and all alone. But mostly, I’m afraid of things being different. I’m afraid of my life changing for the better. Believe it or not, I’ve gotten quite comfortable here with my old friend depression, complaining about the same things, never making a change.

It’s easy. It’s familiar.

But no more.

I’m going to hit the play button and see what unfolds. I’m going to push through the fear and find out what’s on the other side. I’m going to start living my life and stop blaming it for being uninspiring. I’m going to dive into the unknown and find out what that amorphous fog hides.

I’m going to stop making excuses and just do it. 

Ireland, January 2013.

Here I come.

Creative Commons © 2005 Trent Strohm

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Jessica can most often be found with her nose in a book, or writing her newest short story/screenplay/novel, but she also has a passion for travel, child-care & development, psychology, feminism (and other forms of equality), and making the world a better place in general. Email Me